Wow I can't believe I'm pushing the 3 month mark on my last entry (has anyone even noticed?). Time goes fast making moves and making changes. I'm not sure exactly what is prompting me to write tonight, but I'm going to go with it. I think it's because this is the first time I've been back home (which doesn't quite feel like home) since my move to Colorado. It has definitely been a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions since I've left. Bottom line: moving was the best decision I could have ever made. So this entry is all about making choices. This is why...
I had the choice to try and make my life better here in PA. And I did try. Hard. In that case the effort absolutely surpassed the reward I felt. So I made a choice-the choice where a good outcome was completely unknown unless it was set into motion. So I packed up my little car and I drove for 2 days to Colorado. I lived out of my car for a week and a half, I had drama, I lost a job, I found a job. I've cried a little but I've laughed and smiled even more. This is where the reward has surpassed my efforts. And this is why I know I made the right decision to move. Of course it was time consuming and expensive, but the good thing is that since I put my plan to move in motion, it hasn't stopped. In fact it hasn't even slowed down. I find myself waking up early because I want to learn more and do more in a day. I want to workout 2 hours a day and I want to eat healthy foods. I want to be a better friend, daughter, and sister. I want to be a better ME. I mentioned in an old post that my dad said if I moved I would have to "re-invent" myself, which is what I wanted. And now that I sit here and think about it, that is exactly what I've done. I am happy and I'm healthy and in such a good place right now it's almost baffling. And although I don't have love in my life right now, I like focusing on me and I'm ecstatic to know that I'm capable of feeling as good as I do. I am more aware of people and situations that are toxic to my well-being and my happiness, and because of this I have eliminated a lot of unnecessary pain and stress in my life. So what I do know is that when love comes along, it's going to be a damn good healthy relationship, I am sure of that.
So with that said, this is what I've learned: Being afraid to make choices is ok, but it's not ok when that fear becomes so overwhelming that you scare yourself out of doing potentially amazing things. It could turn out to be great or it could be a disaster. But you tried something that you thought was right at the time. Even if it wasn't what you hoped, you can cross it off your list and not live your life wondering "what if" all the time. What kind of life is that? You can accept conditions as they exist or you can accept the responsibility to change them. To try something new. To be a better you. Behind every effort should be a person willing to try. And that makes all the difference between a life of integrity and a life of insufficiency.
"Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet. Make all your friends feel there is something special in them. Look at the sunny side of everything. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Be as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give everyone a smile. Spend so much time improving yourself that you have no time left to criticize others. Be too big for worry and too noble for anger."
♥
